Hooded Claw duties.

The only thing I ever really promised Robyn (well, apart from never betraying her) was that I would protect her from 'The Hooded Claw'. By and large I've managed to do it up to now.

Last night I was lying in bed, at 0315am, wide awake and in a lot of pain, listening to some rather sinister noises along the outside wall of our bedroom. Then......some loud bangs and a few crashes.

I should explain that we have been burgled - everyone round here has. There have been plenty of attempts to get into the house too..

So at 0330, with a heavy heart, I got up to go round the house putting on all the lights and checking that no one had got in.

It has to be said that the only thing more painful than lying in bed is getting up. I have to shuffle my poor old legs to the edge of the bed, then lift them over the edge and onto a cardboard box that I have strategically placed on the floor next to me. Then I ease myself up, holding on to the mattress for dear life, then I quickly put on my back brace to hold my back in one piece. Then using a walking frame I struggle up, get my two walking sticks, put my dressing gown on and then shuffle off.

I move with all the speed of an over tired Sloth. I even look like a Sloth.

As I shuffled round the house, throwing on the lights as I went, accompanied by a lot of slow motion moaning, I began to feel that staying in bed might have been a better idea.

When I got back, feeling rather pleased with myself, I told Robyn that I had fulfilled my Hooded Claw Duties, she pointed out that there hadn't actually been a Hooded Claw, so it didn't count.

Which I felt was more than a little unfair.

That being said there was no sign of Sydney the Grumpy Cat, so it was always possible that she had been stolen.

Although, in fact she wasn't.

I collapsed back into bed, took a painkiller and snatched an hour's extra sleep.

Today, oh it hurt!

Neil Harris
(a don't stop till you drop production)
Home: helpmesortoutstpeters.blogspot.com
Contact me: neilwithpromisestokeep@gmail.com