Another trying day although not in the physical sense - I didn't do anything.
But I didn't sleep and had to catch up in the morning. Then I had a meeting with my nurse from the Hospice to check how I'm doing, especially with the morphine.
Well, I'm not. I use one dose of morphine at night and that's half the recommended dose they thought I should start with.
I need more time to come to terms with this and they seem prepared to let me have it. We'll be staying in touch and I will reconsider - not least because I'm not sleeping and in some considerable pain.
Otherwise things are going well....ish. I still have a monster appetite which obviously comes from the drugs I'm taking but is a considerable step forward.
I have much reduced mobility and a lot of pain, but I have possible ways to deal with that if I can come to terms with them.
The problem for me is that to get here I've had a huge struggle, battle after battle. Most of the battles I lost straight off, but without the will to fight I would have given up long before now. I'm still very reluctant just to 'give up'. I know that isn't going to work out very well for me and I will have to change my strategy. I'm just not ready right now.
Meanwhile, seeing a nice, caring person who means well and wants to help is very wearing and emotional. I was worn out.
Neil Harris
(a don't stop till you drop production)
Home: helpmesortoutstpeters.blogspot.com
Contact me: neilwith promisestokeep@gmail.com
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