Another really depressing day - I had a meeting with a very nice lady from the Hospice, who came to the house to see us.
Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful and she was very helpful..........but it was very depressing.
After a long chat we agreed that I would add doses of liquid morphine to the painkillers I'm already taking. I'm very reluctant, it's a step I've fought long and hard against and it just feels like a huge defeat. Balanced against that, I need to deal with the pain better and I know how upsetting it is for Robyn to watch me go through this.
To give you some idea of how hard I've been fighting against this; we were working out how to deal with the prescriptions when I told her that two and a half years ago when I first broke my back I was prescribed liquid morphine and didn't use it. We have two unopened bottles, inside the use by date all ready to go.
As I said I've reached the end of a long hard struggle and don't like giving in.
So I'm grumpy and more than a bit depressed by it all.
And they've got the measure of me too - they must be used to dealing with grumpy old men!
Neil Harris
(a don't stop till you drop production)
Home: helpmesortoutstpeters.blogspot.com
Contact me: neilwithpromisestokeep@gmail.com
You're not quite at the end yet, once you get that pain under control you'd be surprised how long you have. Hospice can be a long time thing here in the states. It's purpose is to keep you comfortable as you fight on. Hang in there Neil and don't worry about Robyn, I've raised a strong young woman. Love you.
ReplyDelete