Wednesday, 22 July 2015

A double feature and then a quick screw in the morning.

Wow, that was an experience - we went to the movies!

We used to go every week to Cineworld in Feltham, because it was half price on Tuesdays. Then I broke my back and we couldn't go and then they stopped the discount.

So for a while we didn't go at all - Cineworld Feltham wasn't very good at half price.

Then we discovered the Empire in Slough; £3-75p on Tuesdays!!

So we went to see Arnie in Terminator Genesis - what could possibly go wrong?

We got in early, we got popcorn, we got settled down in our £3-75p seats to enjoy the adverts and the previews.

The excitement mounted - could an elderly Arnie match up to the first couple of classic terminators?

Then there was a preview for 'Jurassic World' that seemed to go on forever......and ever.

Then ever so slowly it dawned on me that we were watching the wrong really was 'Jurassic World'.

I could live with that - there were dinosaurs, a couple of young nephews having the trip of their lives at the brand new Jurassic World Theme park, there was an ambitious corporate aunt to welcome them and a megalomaniac billionaire who wasn't satisfied with plain old dinosaurs; he wanted genetically modified dinosaurs.

None of that was ever going to end well.

I was settling down nicely but, unfortunately, Robyn was beginning to do an impersonation of a small mammal showing signs of extreme distress. The body language was really quite upsetting. Clearly, dinosaurs (even genetically modified dinosaurs) were not going to do it for her.

Eventually she went off and did some detective work and found there was still time to get in to see Arnie.

We only missed a bit of the beginning.

But it wasn't our fault at all. The first screen was right next to the number 'one' and the right door had this on it;

A big sign warning us not to video 'Jurassic World'. Not much chance of that happening.

Anyway, I'd love to do a review of 'Terminator Genesys' but there's no way I can do it without giving the plot away.

If you are a fan it's good and worth seeing.

For me, I enjoyed it fine but there was just a bit to much CGI and a plot that was so complicated I kept losing track.

Mind you I laughed a lot - there was a guy just in front of us who slept through the whole film, disturbing everybody with his loud snoring.

I got a severe fit of the giggles every time he went off and that disturbed everybody around me as well.

Tee Hee!

Then we went home and my back brace fell apart.

That's not good - it's holding my back together.

The screws just fell out and when I put it back together I found that one was missing.

That's a serious problem - I haven't got an appointment at my hospital for a while and they didn't issue it to me anyway.

There's no way I wanted to go back to Wexham Park Hospital in Slough - I've had too much heartache there.

So I spent far too long hunting around for a screw before I went to bed and then in the morning I spent an hour or so wearing myself out hunting everywhere for a screw I could 'steal' from something else.

I tried every pot of nails, screws, nuts and bolts I had hidden away. I undid my crutches and a walker, I undid a couple of bits of old plumbing I had - I took apart a plug.

Nothing fitted.

Nothing ever fitted, I just got exhausted and my back hurt.

Then Robyn found a screw in her flatpack dressing table - it fitted!


I screwed myself back together just like a Terminator.
What are the chances of that happening?
Then we went shopping and as I got in the car I had a quick look around before I got in, just in case.
No luck.
Then on the way back I had another quick look......and I found the original screw on the floor!
How cool is that?
Two feature films for the price of one and a screw in the morning.
I'll be back.
Neil Harris
(a don't stop till you drop production)

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