Tuesday, 7 July 2015

Harrods, as a last resort.

We came out of The Natural History Museum and ended up on a bench eating our sandwiches surrounded by a whole world of tourists.

Most of them were taking selfies of themselves in front of an old fashioned red telephone box.

We had time to kill before the concert but not much and I had to give myself an injection at about 6 pm. We knew there wasn't a toilet at the Church we were heading for and Knightsbridge is far too exclusive to have anything as common as a public toilet.

I've been doing these injections for about 18 months now and because it's a bit of a bore, I enjoy finding more exciting places to do it.

Here's just a sample; Le Pigalle (Paris), the Isle of Wight ferry, 'The Cotton Club' in the red light district of Amsterdam, on the seafront at Eastbourne, Belleville (Paris), at BBC Radio London, The Royal Academy of the Dramatic Arts, The Imperial Wharf Jazz festival, The O2 Arena,  Charing Cross Hospital, Whitstable, Salisbury plain, Somerset House, The London School of Economics, The India Club, The Hobgoblin, The Horns.

Not bad, heh?
There was nothing for it this time; I needed to find a simple supermarket where I could find a toilet and do my injection.
This would have to do;

As I understood it, there are some fairly impressive luxury toilets. At least, if the food hall is anything to go by they would be fantastic;

This is the store for the super rich to shop in; the Russian oligarchs who stole a whole country from their people, the Oil Sheiks who stole a whole lake of oil from their countries, the F.I.F.A. executive, the 3rd world dictators who stole their countries entire foreign exchange reserves.....you get the idea by now, I'm sure.

They all end up staying in London's most expensive hotels and shopping here;

These fish have travelled further than I have. There's even a live fish tank behind the till;

We didn't have a lot of spare time, certainly not enough to go upstairs. We ended up wandering through the jewellery and watches (you have no idea what the corrupt and dishonest politician is wearing this year...it's amazing) and by accident we wandered into the wines and spirits zone.

The sales were on, so this was a bargain at £5700-00p, almost half price! There wasn't even time to search out something really extravagant.

I found a toilet in the basement and got stuck behind a long queue - I must admit I wasn't that impressed - I've used some sleazy pub facilities in the past that were better.

By this time we were late and lost and I was bothered that we would have started to look suspicious on the CCTV.

I blundered my way through handbags which cost as much as a small car.

Alright, alright it's a slight exaggeration; a small, second hand car.

Eventually, we made it out onto the street.

I'm a bit disappointed....I expected better.

Next time I think I'll probably have to switch my custom to Harvey Nicholls.

Neil Harris
(a don't stop till you drop production)

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